How long does it take to get over someone?

 

On Reflection - A Personal Note

How do you get over someone? No really. I'm asking the question because I'm truly flummoxed.
To be blunt I'll be glad to shut the door on this year. It's not been the best. In fact I'm gonna go all out and just say it. 2015 has been shit. Forget shutting the door. I'm going to slam it pretty damn hard! 
It had started out ok. I was in love with a guy, had plans for a novel, work was good... Even my anxiety had become more manageable. I wasn't deliriously happy or anything, but I was - you know - content. Yes. That's the word. Content.

Then everything just blew up in my face.

In truth I now plaster a smile on my face everyday and pretend that I'm ok. I don't want people to see how sad I am really feeling. But honestly? I hurt. ALL the time. I'm missing my Nanna so much. I didn't know what grief truly felt like until the moment I realized I'd never actually see or speak to her again. And let me tell you, it floors you. 

And then there's the guy. My best friend. The one I was in love with. (Or if I'm being honest, still am in love with.) He's a story for another time and place, but let's just say he is now a part of my past and I am trying desperately to focus on the future.

I guess what I'm saying is that this year has left me feeling utterly broken. In every sense of the word. And I don't know how to fix myself. But someone told me something last week that really struck a chord and it kind of helped me. I hope that by sharing it, maybe it might help you too if you're in a difficult place...

'We're all broken...' 

I think there's a great degree of truth in it. We're all just at different stages. The key is to remember this and to also just be there for one another on this journey we call life. 

In hindsight, maybe this year is just a life lesson - albeit a harsh one - helping me to grow into the person I'm supposed to be. I've always said that every experience in life whether good or bad shapes us... Maybe now I'm just becoming a different version of myself or dare I say it? Maybe I'm also finally growing up.
 

 Here are a few things that I have learned help when trying to get over someone...

*Do not I repeat DO NOT remain friends with the person. I tried it against the advice of practically everyone around me and trust me. It NEVER works! If you're reading this and you have made it work then congratulations... But for the other 99% of us, it's a no go area if you truly want to move on.

*Keep yourself busy. I'm one of those people that tends to take this to the extreme and ends up falling over. Remember to have BALANCE. Keep yourself busy and your mind occupied but take time out too.

*Do feel good things. Pamper yourself, get a haircut or a massage. Go see a movie. Eat cake. Do anything that makes YOU feel a little bit better. 

*Cry. A lot. This might sound like a negative but in reality if you actually allow yourself to feel and to go through the emotions, you'll find it more cathartic than holding it all in. Crying is a huge part of the healing process. 

*Drink wine. I'm not an alcoholic don't worry... (Ha ha!) but it would be fair to say that the odd glass of wine has helped me relax when I've been feeling down or tense in an evening. Just don't over-do it obviously!

*Be around people who make you laugh and/or feel happy. Surround yourself with friends, spend time with family. These people afterall are YOUR support network! The worst thing you can do is hide yourself away and wallow. (That said. A few duvet days are also allowed! Just you, your pjs, junk food and some movies.)

*Excercise. Go for a run!

*Write a list. Make goals. Plan! I am a notorious list maker. On paper things can seem slightly more attainable compared to in your mind where they can appear huge.

If you have any other suggestions please do leave them in the comments box below!  

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend.

Lots of love and hugs... Justine xxx