Life: Living With Fear

This is one of my unprepared rambling posts because today I really feel the need to offload. 

Just lately I've been experiencing little panic attacks. Not major ones as such, but they've been happening on a daily basis. I'll be sat at work and I'll feel my breath catch in my throat, the flutter in my chest as panic starts to rise. 

It started the first time I heard that someone I know has cancer. And then I heard about someone else. And someone else. And so on. 

This is nothing new of course. People are getting cancer all the time. But it seems that so many people in my age group are now being struck down by it and this scares me. 

I'm getting older, so are those around me. I suppose it's inevitable that I'll come across more of the same. But that doesn't stop me hating it. Or hugely freaking out about it. 

I remember the days gone by when I'd hear about an older relative who had the dreaded C word. The hushed tones and talk of treatment, then palliative care. The first time I overheard this I'd have been about fourteen. To be fair, anyone over the age of thirty back then seemed old to me. I didn't think to worry about stuff like cancer. I was still young and invincible - in my mind at any rate. But here I am, now on the other side of thirty, and boy do I feel anything but old or indeed invincible. 

Just the other day, my mum suggested that I take out life insurance to cover the cost of my funeral should anything happen to me. And all I could think was - Am I really at that age now when I have to put things like this in place? 

No-one knows what could happen tomorrow. It could literally all be over in a heartbeat. I don't want this to be a particularly negative post - apologies if you're reading this and you're thinking good grief Justine, shut up already. But as you know, this is my little place to vent, to share. It tends to make me feel a tad better. And I know I'm not the only one who feels this anxiety. I've spoken to friends who have the same real fear. Perhaps some of you reading this can also relate? 

Life is so fragile and precious and I guess life in it's own way has just recently reiterated this to me. 

So what can we do? Well for starters I know that worrying about something like this isn't really productive. But if worrying makes us that bit more aware then perhaps we can turn it into something more positive. We should all make sure that we check our bits on a regular basis, attend for smears and whatnot. How many of you actually check your breasts? Go do it now. Prevention and early detection is paramount. 

My second piece of advice to you (and to myself) is just to live each day in the moment, making the most of every damn thing - no matter how small. Never go to bed on an argument and be sure to tell your loved ones that you love them. Try not to worry about the negatives and what ifs - easier said than done of course. And really just live life to the full. 

How about you, do you ever panic about things like cancer? How do you cope with your own anxieties?

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